I know I’m a little late but this made me feel so seen. I started to tear up while reading this, I was trying not to since I just did my skincare and I didn’t want it to get messed up, but i couldn’t help myself. This hit even harder since I just binged today.
This is so powerful, heartbreaking and raw, Deb. Thank you so much for sharing this. The way you’ve shown so much courage in sitting with past versions of you and letting them speak is truly inspiring. I hope one day the love you feel for yourself is louder than any of the ghosts in your head 💕
Hi Debra, Love to read this from you. I grew up as an anorexic bulimic teen. It's still a struggle for me but I don't binge or purge anymore. I just finished a book around subject of body dysmorphia I'm going to put out soon. Have a poem in my drafts about the little monster still sneaking in with all the anxiety around even talking about it. But I'll post it soon.
Yeah. It's a fkg beast. Never ending battle. I just posted the poem. It's been sitting there in drafts just staring at me waiting. So I thank you - you gave me the impetus to hit the button. https://substack.com/@cynposner/note/p-171535331
Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable piece. Its tough... to share, to eat, to live authentically without self hatred or judgement. Unlearning all of the trauma responses and learning healthier ways to support the self. I really appreciate you adding the inspiration reading to this. I will need to check these out. 🙂 ❤️🩹
Yes, it's all such a process, isn’t it? I’m so glad the reading list resonated, I hope you find something in there that feels supportive. Thank you for reading. ❤️🩹
Wow. Thank you for writing this so vulnerably and beautifully. I was bulimic when I was 13 till I stopped purging at maybe 38. I'm 42 now. I still binge. In fact, this morning I woke up feeling guilty about the things I ate yesterday. Like you said, these ghosts don't go away.
These days,instead of inhaling 6 bags of snacks and chocolates, I swop them with healthier options and whole foods. So last night, I still ate an entire large pot of oat and chia porridge filled with scallops, spinach, radish etc. And had some chocolate chia pudding. It was so filling, I couldn't possibly eat more. But it's still an improvement, so I pat myself on the back today and try again.
Billie! I was bulimic as a teen too. Through ballet in College. This book I've been writing centers around this theme, so happy to know there's so many of us still struggling. I stop eating now before I get full because I hate the feeling of wanting it out of my body. It's a tricky beast.
Gurl, are we soul sistas?! I totally understand this struggle. And I'm so thankful for Substack. It's been a taboo and all these shame around even talking about this openly. I hide when I binge. No one knows.
And I wish I hate the aftermath enough to stop eating before I get full. It doesn't help with the lack of dopamine in my brain (thanks ADHD). Literally, I am just so compulsive, it's horrible. I can't wait for your book to be out! Can I be the first to get a signed copy, puleaseeeeeee?
Totally Soul Sisters. It's weird the parallels. 💜Can I send you the one chapter on when the food issue started to get a read on it? Like no one’s read it yet 😱
Yes please, send it over! It must be some sort of synchronicity. I'm in the middle of a tarot reading but of course my ADHD makes me do other things in the midst of it and now this. It's really so comforting to know that even at 40ish, I'm not alone.
Let me do another pass on it tomorrow and i'll upload the one chapter to a secret post you can read. No rush. I’ll DM you tomorrow. Thanks Billie. Will be good to have someone read who identifies other than my editor. xx
Debs, my friend, this is heartbreakingly beautiful and soul-shaking. You’ve turned pain into language with such clarity and grace, not to glamorise it, but to witness it, fully. The courage it takes not just to survive that kind of history, but to revisit it and write from within it, that’s a rare strength.
The line “That’s what trauma does. It makes ghosts of the past speak louder than the love standing right in front of you” hit me like a wave. You captured something so many of us feel but don’t know how to name. And the way you speak to your younger self, with tenderness, honesty, and fierce compassion, is a masterclass in how we begin to heal.
This piece isn’t just a personal reckoning, it’s a healing offering. You’ve made space for pain, yes, but also for truth and connection. You’re not just telling your story, you’re reclaiming it. And in doing so, you’re giving the rest of us permission to do the same.
You’re not just still at the table, you’re inviting others to join you, with gentleness and truth. I’m walking beside you through this series. Thank you for the gift of your words. 💛✨️❤️🩹✨️❤️🩹✨️❤️🩹✨️💛🤗🫶🏻
Saira, reading your comment made me tear up. Writing this series has been like sitting at a table with every version of myself, scared, hurting, hopeful and trying to listen to them all. Knowing it can also be a place for others to sit beside me makes it feel lighter. 💛
My pleasure, my friend! Debs, that image, of you sitting at a table with every version of yourself, is one I’ll carry with me. There’s so much tenderness in the way you’re listening to each of them. And the fact that you’re making space for others to sit beside you in that same quiet, vulnerable way, that’s what makes this series unforgettable. I’m honoured to be here with you, and I’ll keep showing up for every chapter you share. 💛
I know I’m a little late but this made me feel so seen. I started to tear up while reading this, I was trying not to since I just did my skincare and I didn’t want it to get messed up, but i couldn’t help myself. This hit even harder since I just binged today.
Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m really glad the words met you, especially on a hard day. Be gentle with yourself tonight. 💛
This is so powerful, heartbreaking and raw, Deb. Thank you so much for sharing this. The way you’ve shown so much courage in sitting with past versions of you and letting them speak is truly inspiring. I hope one day the love you feel for yourself is louder than any of the ghosts in your head 💕
One of the saddest things about self harm is the shame we carry. I try to parent myself the way I should have been parented. Not an easy task.
Something that I need to hear often from myself is - truly forgiving myself for hurting myself.
And seriously that child (me/you) should have been protected. I’m so sorry that this wasn’t the case for you, I’m so sorry that this happened to you.
🦋
Hi Debra, Love to read this from you. I grew up as an anorexic bulimic teen. It's still a struggle for me but I don't binge or purge anymore. I just finished a book around subject of body dysmorphia I'm going to put out soon. Have a poem in my drafts about the little monster still sneaking in with all the anxiety around even talking about it. But I'll post it soon.
Thank you so much. It’s such a struggle isn’t it? I can’t wait to read your poem and book. Can you tag me when you post it, I don’t want to miss it. 💕
Yeah. It's a fkg beast. Never ending battle. I just posted the poem. It's been sitting there in drafts just staring at me waiting. So I thank you - you gave me the impetus to hit the button. https://substack.com/@cynposner/note/p-171535331
Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable piece. Its tough... to share, to eat, to live authentically without self hatred or judgement. Unlearning all of the trauma responses and learning healthier ways to support the self. I really appreciate you adding the inspiration reading to this. I will need to check these out. 🙂 ❤️🩹
Yes, it's all such a process, isn’t it? I’m so glad the reading list resonated, I hope you find something in there that feels supportive. Thank you for reading. ❤️🩹
Wow. Thank you for writing this so vulnerably and beautifully. I was bulimic when I was 13 till I stopped purging at maybe 38. I'm 42 now. I still binge. In fact, this morning I woke up feeling guilty about the things I ate yesterday. Like you said, these ghosts don't go away.
These days,instead of inhaling 6 bags of snacks and chocolates, I swop them with healthier options and whole foods. So last night, I still ate an entire large pot of oat and chia porridge filled with scallops, spinach, radish etc. And had some chocolate chia pudding. It was so filling, I couldn't possibly eat more. But it's still an improvement, so I pat myself on the back today and try again.
Billie! I was bulimic as a teen too. Through ballet in College. This book I've been writing centers around this theme, so happy to know there's so many of us still struggling. I stop eating now before I get full because I hate the feeling of wanting it out of my body. It's a tricky beast.
Gurl, are we soul sistas?! I totally understand this struggle. And I'm so thankful for Substack. It's been a taboo and all these shame around even talking about this openly. I hide when I binge. No one knows.
And I wish I hate the aftermath enough to stop eating before I get full. It doesn't help with the lack of dopamine in my brain (thanks ADHD). Literally, I am just so compulsive, it's horrible. I can't wait for your book to be out! Can I be the first to get a signed copy, puleaseeeeeee?
Totally Soul Sisters. It's weird the parallels. 💜Can I send you the one chapter on when the food issue started to get a read on it? Like no one’s read it yet 😱
Yes please, send it over! It must be some sort of synchronicity. I'm in the middle of a tarot reading but of course my ADHD makes me do other things in the midst of it and now this. It's really so comforting to know that even at 40ish, I'm not alone.
I'll read it after my tarot reading!
Let me do another pass on it tomorrow and i'll upload the one chapter to a secret post you can read. No rush. I’ll DM you tomorrow. Thanks Billie. Will be good to have someone read who identifies other than my editor. xx
Debs, my friend, this is heartbreakingly beautiful and soul-shaking. You’ve turned pain into language with such clarity and grace, not to glamorise it, but to witness it, fully. The courage it takes not just to survive that kind of history, but to revisit it and write from within it, that’s a rare strength.
The line “That’s what trauma does. It makes ghosts of the past speak louder than the love standing right in front of you” hit me like a wave. You captured something so many of us feel but don’t know how to name. And the way you speak to your younger self, with tenderness, honesty, and fierce compassion, is a masterclass in how we begin to heal.
This piece isn’t just a personal reckoning, it’s a healing offering. You’ve made space for pain, yes, but also for truth and connection. You’re not just telling your story, you’re reclaiming it. And in doing so, you’re giving the rest of us permission to do the same.
You’re not just still at the table, you’re inviting others to join you, with gentleness and truth. I’m walking beside you through this series. Thank you for the gift of your words. 💛✨️❤️🩹✨️❤️🩹✨️❤️🩹✨️💛🤗🫶🏻
Saira, reading your comment made me tear up. Writing this series has been like sitting at a table with every version of myself, scared, hurting, hopeful and trying to listen to them all. Knowing it can also be a place for others to sit beside me makes it feel lighter. 💛
My pleasure, my friend! Debs, that image, of you sitting at a table with every version of yourself, is one I’ll carry with me. There’s so much tenderness in the way you’re listening to each of them. And the fact that you’re making space for others to sit beside you in that same quiet, vulnerable way, that’s what makes this series unforgettable. I’m honoured to be here with you, and I’ll keep showing up for every chapter you share. 💛