Thank you Heather for this vulnerable and courageous share.
I especially enjoyed hearing your words and painful experience, as my oldest daughter (I have 5kids) has been estranged from me for nearly 2 years.
There was no cutting words, walking on eggshells, conditional love in our family as I read was your painful experience (and I'm so sorry for your pain)
My daughter and I were closest of buddies. So I'm left without explanation and just with lots of questions. 'Ambiguous loss' they call it. Well named. It is an ambiguous kind of situation. Where I can only have conversations in my own mind. But, I no longer choose to do that.
I've accepted reality just as it is. Along with the pain of it all, and all.
Thank you from the depth of my heart for opening this conversation so bravely here. As you said, most people don't want to hear this, whether you're the mother or the daughter.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I can’t even imagine the pain and confusion you must feel with that kind of loss, especially without explanation. Sending love and strength your way. 💖
Thank you for sharing this heartfelt piece. I also have had a complicated relationship with my mother and have been met with the same platitudes. “But it’s your mother” and “your family will always be there”. And I don’t know what exactly your relationship is but for a long time her presence in my life was damaging to my mental health. And that’s a hard thing to explain to people who think their own mom is the best person in the world. Thanks for your honesty and your vulnerability.
I hear you completely. It’s such a lonely feeling when people can’t understand, when they assume that a mother’s love is universal and unconditional. But some of us had to choose distance to protect ourselves, and that choice is never easy. I’m grateful you shared a bit of your story here—it means a lot.❤️
So sorry for the pain you experienced. I suffered a lot of childhood trauma as well and it effects me negatively in so many ways still at 45 years old. I'm not sure if you experience PTSD because of it but I do and just started EMDR therapy. Hoping it can heal the broken parts of me. I understand feeling it in your bones I'm extremely familiar with that. Most importantly it is no one's business who you have a relationship with whether they be family or not. As someone who lost my mom nearly a decade ago, it breaks my heart for the two people I know personally who do not have a relationships their mom. It's not in any way a judgement, it is grieving the unconditional love, support and protection they should have received but lost before the person was even gone. For one of them I have severed as a replacement mom of sorts, trying to provide the connection she should receive from her mom and doesn't.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. Trauma runs deep, I do have PTSD, and I’ve done some research on EMDR but I haven’t tried it myself, I really hope it brings you the healing you deserve. Sending you so much compassion. ❤️
Debra, this took my breath away. The silence you describe—woven with pain, protection, and unspoken truth—echoes so loudly through your words. There’s such weight in every line, especially “how loud it screams inside of me.” That feeling of holding the wreckage alone, unheard, is one so many know—but few can express it with such grace. Your voice, your courage, your honesty—they matter. They are a gift. I’m so grateful you shared this. Always standing with you, always grateful for you. This poem will stay with me. Always here, always listening. 💛❤️🫶🏻🤗✨
Saira, you always have a way of making me feel seen in the spaces I’ve kept quiet for so long. Thank you for reading, for holding this with me, and for always listening. That kind of understanding is rare, and I don’t take it for granted. Grateful for you, always.❤️
My pleasure! Always here, Debra. That truly means the world to me. Please know this—I will always hold space for you. In the silence, in the words, in the moments that are hard to share. I’ll always be here—listening, supporting, and seeing you—especially in those quiet places you’ve kept hidden for so long. Your voice matters more than words can say, and I’ll never stop showing up for it, cheering you on. Grateful for you, always. ❤️🫶🏻
I have a relationship with mine but it is akin to any relationship with any neighbour or vague colleague. We are polite. We don't emote. We must not share. Don't be too emotional. What would people think? Stiff upper lip. I'm just doing the crossword. They say rain later. Do you like this wallpaper? OK, cheerio.
That kind of distance—where everything is surface-level, never reaching deeper—is its own kind of grief. It’s the loss of something that should be there but never quite is. Thank you for sharing. 🫶🏻
Thank you Heather for this vulnerable and courageous share.
I especially enjoyed hearing your words and painful experience, as my oldest daughter (I have 5kids) has been estranged from me for nearly 2 years.
There was no cutting words, walking on eggshells, conditional love in our family as I read was your painful experience (and I'm so sorry for your pain)
My daughter and I were closest of buddies. So I'm left without explanation and just with lots of questions. 'Ambiguous loss' they call it. Well named. It is an ambiguous kind of situation. Where I can only have conversations in my own mind. But, I no longer choose to do that.
I've accepted reality just as it is. Along with the pain of it all, and all.
Thank you from the depth of my heart for opening this conversation so bravely here. As you said, most people don't want to hear this, whether you're the mother or the daughter.
Sending love💖
Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I can’t even imagine the pain and confusion you must feel with that kind of loss, especially without explanation. Sending love and strength your way. 💖
🙏💖Thank you , Heather.
Please keep sharing with us.i hope this can be your safe space when the rest of the world sometimes makes it harder . Hugs!
Thank you so much. Having a space where I can share openly—and be met with kindness truly means a lot. Grateful for you. 💙
Thank you for sharing this heartfelt piece. I also have had a complicated relationship with my mother and have been met with the same platitudes. “But it’s your mother” and “your family will always be there”. And I don’t know what exactly your relationship is but for a long time her presence in my life was damaging to my mental health. And that’s a hard thing to explain to people who think their own mom is the best person in the world. Thanks for your honesty and your vulnerability.
I hear you completely. It’s such a lonely feeling when people can’t understand, when they assume that a mother’s love is universal and unconditional. But some of us had to choose distance to protect ourselves, and that choice is never easy. I’m grateful you shared a bit of your story here—it means a lot.❤️
This gave me a lot to think about. Very beautiful.
“it’s not that i haven’t tried to speak
it’s that every time i do
i hear her voice in the back of my throat—“
Amazing
Thank you ❤️
So sorry for the pain you experienced. I suffered a lot of childhood trauma as well and it effects me negatively in so many ways still at 45 years old. I'm not sure if you experience PTSD because of it but I do and just started EMDR therapy. Hoping it can heal the broken parts of me. I understand feeling it in your bones I'm extremely familiar with that. Most importantly it is no one's business who you have a relationship with whether they be family or not. As someone who lost my mom nearly a decade ago, it breaks my heart for the two people I know personally who do not have a relationships their mom. It's not in any way a judgement, it is grieving the unconditional love, support and protection they should have received but lost before the person was even gone. For one of them I have severed as a replacement mom of sorts, trying to provide the connection she should receive from her mom and doesn't.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. Trauma runs deep, I do have PTSD, and I’ve done some research on EMDR but I haven’t tried it myself, I really hope it brings you the healing you deserve. Sending you so much compassion. ❤️
Thank you so much.
Powerful. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for reading.🫶🏻
Debra, this took my breath away. The silence you describe—woven with pain, protection, and unspoken truth—echoes so loudly through your words. There’s such weight in every line, especially “how loud it screams inside of me.” That feeling of holding the wreckage alone, unheard, is one so many know—but few can express it with such grace. Your voice, your courage, your honesty—they matter. They are a gift. I’m so grateful you shared this. Always standing with you, always grateful for you. This poem will stay with me. Always here, always listening. 💛❤️🫶🏻🤗✨
Saira, you always have a way of making me feel seen in the spaces I’ve kept quiet for so long. Thank you for reading, for holding this with me, and for always listening. That kind of understanding is rare, and I don’t take it for granted. Grateful for you, always.❤️
My pleasure! Always here, Debra. That truly means the world to me. Please know this—I will always hold space for you. In the silence, in the words, in the moments that are hard to share. I’ll always be here—listening, supporting, and seeing you—especially in those quiet places you’ve kept hidden for so long. Your voice matters more than words can say, and I’ll never stop showing up for it, cheering you on. Grateful for you, always. ❤️🫶🏻
I have a relationship with mine but it is akin to any relationship with any neighbour or vague colleague. We are polite. We don't emote. We must not share. Don't be too emotional. What would people think? Stiff upper lip. I'm just doing the crossword. They say rain later. Do you like this wallpaper? OK, cheerio.
That kind of distance—where everything is surface-level, never reaching deeper—is its own kind of grief. It’s the loss of something that should be there but never quite is. Thank you for sharing. 🫶🏻