What Trauma Teaches the Body
I didn’t know I was being gaslit until years after the worst of it.
That’s the thing about emotional manipulation—
you don’t always see it while it’s happening.
You feel it.
In your stomach, in your skin, in your pulse.
But you don’t name it.
Because if you did,
you’d have to confront the unbearable truth:
that someone who was supposed to love you
was rewriting your reality in real-time.
And so, you learn not to trust yourself.
You learn to question the voice in your head that says,
This feels wrong.
You learn to explain away the panic in your chest.
You learn to bury the tension in your shoulders and call it “being dramatic.”
You begin to apologize before you even speak.
You make yourself smaller
in your words, in your needs, in your body.
The Nervous System Never Forgets
Gaslighting doesn’t just mess with your memory.
It embeds itself in your nervous system.
I didn’t understand that until I was 40,
in a therapist’s office,
trying to explain why I couldn’t stop bracing
for a slap that never came.
Why I flinched at raised voices,
why I over-explained everything,
why my heart pounded every time someone questioned my version of events.
“I feel like I’m constantly defending my reality,” I said.
She looked at me with that soft, knowing expression therapists have
when they see something you’ve spent your whole life trying to unsee.
And she said,
“That’s because your reality was constantly under attack.
Your body is still trying to protect it.”
What Trauma Does When You’ve Been Gaslit
It turns your body into a battleground.
It teaches your nervous system that safety is an illusion.
It convinces your brain that being right is dangerous.
It wires you to anticipate shame
before you’ve even made a decision.
You don’t just doubt yourself.
You dismantle yourself.
Piece by piece.
Until you’re not even sure
what’s yours anymore.
When Doubt Becomes Your Default
I used to think I was “too sensitive.”
That I made things up.
That I was bad at remembering.
But the truth is,
I learned to override my body’s wisdom.
Because trusting it would have meant
losing the people I thought I needed to survive.
Healing has looked like this…
A lot of crying on the floor.
A lot of rewriting MY story.
A lot of “I believe you” said to the mirror.
And slowly,
my body is learning to exhale.
To unclench.
To feel safe inside my own skin.
It still takes effort.
There are days I slip into old patterns—
over-apologizing, shrinking, doubting.
But now, I catch myself.
Now, I say:
Of course this is hard. You’re unlearning a lifetime of survival.
You Were Never Imagining It
If no one told you this before, let me be the one to say:
You’re not crazy.
You’re not broken.
You were gaslit.
And your body remembers.
But it can also remember what it feels like to trust again.
To breathe.
To choose yourself.
And that kind of healing? It’s not just possible.
It’s yours.
A Question for You
Write a letter to your younger self, the one who was had to hold all her truth in silence. What would you say now that you know better?
My Inspiration Corner
To support you wherever you are on your healing journey, here’s one book, one quote, and one song that helped me feel seen when I was doubting everything I felt:
📖 Book: The Gaslight Effect by Dr. Robin Stern
This book helped me put a name to the confusion, and gave me the language I never had for what was happening to me.
🖋 Quote:
“When someone shows you their version of reality and demands that you accept it, that’s not love. That’s control.”
— Dr. Ramani Durvasula
🎧 Song: Heavy by Birdtalker
This song always finds me when I’m carrying too much that isn’t mine. It reminds me that I can put it down. That I don’t have to keep holding what was never mine to carry.
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going
I’d love to hear your thoughts. If this resonated with you, feel free to share your own experiences.
Let’s keep growing—together.
Debra 💛
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This is beautiful and it resonates deeply. Thank you for sharing.
Ohhhhhh, even as an adult he gaslit me. I didn’t remember events correctly. Was too sensitive need a thicker skin. Thank you for teaching me what happened in my childhood through young adulthood!