Ohhhhhh, even as an adult he gaslit me. I didn’t remember events correctly. Was too sensitive need a thicker skin. Thank you for teaching me what happened in my childhood through young adulthood!
It takes so much strength to unlearn the lies and begin trusting your own memories, your own inner knowing. Keep going. You’re reclaiming your truth, piece by piece. 💕
Debs, you are an incredibly inspiring person. Thank you for this. Every section of this piece landed like truth my body has been aching to hear for years. From the tension held in my shoulders to the learned silence, I saw so much of myself in it. The way you named the trauma, the rewiring, and the deep work of returning to ourselves felt like both a mirror and a map.
This line especially, “You were gaslit. And your body remembers," gave me chills. Because yes, it lives in the body. But your reminder that it can also remember how to trust, to breathe, to choose ourselves, that’s where the hope lives. It brought up things my ex said, and things his family said, that I’ve only recently come to recognise as gaslighting.
Thank you for this important essay, for giving voice to what so many of us carry quietly. And thank you for the invitation at the end. I’ll be writing to that younger version of me tonight, and this time, she’ll be heard. You are amazing my friend 💛❤️✨️😭
Oh Saira, your words mean more than I can say. I read your comment and felt this full-body exhale like something unspoken just got witnessed. That mirror and map you mentioned? That’s exactly what I hope these pieces can be. A place where we can see ourselves and feel less lost in the process of coming home.
I’m so moved that you’re writing to your younger self tonight. I have no doubt she’ll feel your love, your truth, your strength and she’ll finally be heard, like she always should’ve been.
Thank you for holding this with me. I'm so grateful we're walking this healing path side by side. 💛✨
My pleasure! You have such a way with words, Debs. I truly love your work. The image of the full-body exhale really stayed with me. It’s incredible how healing it feels to be truly witnessed. Your words, your voice, your gift, your presence, and the space you’ve created have helped me feel less alone in the remembering and the rewriting. I’m holding so much tenderness for that younger self tonight, and I know she’ll feel it.
I’m so grateful to be walking this path side by side with you too. It means more than words can hold. You are amazing and so much more. 💛❤️🫶🏻✨️
What a tremendously inspiring person you are! I am floored by your encouragement of those who have experienced abuse that sometimes feels like "I'm crazy" instead of what reality truly is - a person who you love more than you love your sanity. God bless you.
Thank you for this Regina. That feeling you named, loving someone more than your own sanity, is so painfully real for so many of us. It messes with your head, your heart, your whole sense of what’s true. 💛
I completely blocked out that part in my life. I haven’t revisited to fully unpack but I recognize that I have visited because of the questions that I ask myself or the doubts that seep from my memories sometimes.
What you say about trauma and the nervous system is so timely. I’m at a chiropractic neurology clinic for intensive 4 weeks of treatment to reset my nervous system (the eyes and vestibular system are the window into your nervous system). My symptoms have been chronic migraines + vertigo. My doctor also had me to go to hypnotherapy as well. The majority of patients he treats had trauma - he says if his patients don’t deal with their trauma, they won’t fully heal or if they do, their symptoms recur. Fascinating.
Wow, Deborah, what a powerful piece. I can relate word for word. I've lived it. I've recovered from it. The experiences left me scarred but stronger.
What you said about our reality being attacked or chipped away, it's so dehumanizing. One thing I would add, and this is just an add, it's not any kind of a contradiction, but what I also came to learn is that these are very mutual, unhealthy relationships where we place ourselves in a commander-subordinate role with a compliance and control sort of structure and then just don't even notice how the vice starts to tighten because it starts usually really in a light-hearted way. Someone seems very helpful. They seem really together.
Anyway, I'm just reflecting off of what I read, but boy, am I glad to have come across this today. And I will say, the healthier we get, the more this becomes obvious on an intellectual level, but still, the body reacts, the emotions react. I've had people approach me in an unhealthy way, love-bombing, for example, trying to start up something, and my trauma instinct is activated and thinks, go, get in there, jump in.
But then the training kicks in, the awareness, all the inner child work and the shadow work that I've come to rely on when the trauma instincts get activated, and I'm able to better see what's going on and toss up a few boundaries. And when those get quickly violated, then I take a step back—or turn and run, depending on the person.
But anyway, wow, it's just so nice to see someone who's come to this awareness and can write about it and help the next person. That's what we're all about, I think.
This is beautiful and it resonates deeply. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Suzanne 😊
Ohhhhhh, even as an adult he gaslit me. I didn’t remember events correctly. Was too sensitive need a thicker skin. Thank you for teaching me what happened in my childhood through young adulthood!
It takes so much strength to unlearn the lies and begin trusting your own memories, your own inner knowing. Keep going. You’re reclaiming your truth, piece by piece. 💕
Debs, you are an incredibly inspiring person. Thank you for this. Every section of this piece landed like truth my body has been aching to hear for years. From the tension held in my shoulders to the learned silence, I saw so much of myself in it. The way you named the trauma, the rewiring, and the deep work of returning to ourselves felt like both a mirror and a map.
This line especially, “You were gaslit. And your body remembers," gave me chills. Because yes, it lives in the body. But your reminder that it can also remember how to trust, to breathe, to choose ourselves, that’s where the hope lives. It brought up things my ex said, and things his family said, that I’ve only recently come to recognise as gaslighting.
Thank you for this important essay, for giving voice to what so many of us carry quietly. And thank you for the invitation at the end. I’ll be writing to that younger version of me tonight, and this time, she’ll be heard. You are amazing my friend 💛❤️✨️😭
Oh Saira, your words mean more than I can say. I read your comment and felt this full-body exhale like something unspoken just got witnessed. That mirror and map you mentioned? That’s exactly what I hope these pieces can be. A place where we can see ourselves and feel less lost in the process of coming home.
I’m so moved that you’re writing to your younger self tonight. I have no doubt she’ll feel your love, your truth, your strength and she’ll finally be heard, like she always should’ve been.
Thank you for holding this with me. I'm so grateful we're walking this healing path side by side. 💛✨
My pleasure! You have such a way with words, Debs. I truly love your work. The image of the full-body exhale really stayed with me. It’s incredible how healing it feels to be truly witnessed. Your words, your voice, your gift, your presence, and the space you’ve created have helped me feel less alone in the remembering and the rewriting. I’m holding so much tenderness for that younger self tonight, and I know she’ll feel it.
I’m so grateful to be walking this path side by side with you too. It means more than words can hold. You are amazing and so much more. 💛❤️🫶🏻✨️
What a tremendously inspiring person you are! I am floored by your encouragement of those who have experienced abuse that sometimes feels like "I'm crazy" instead of what reality truly is - a person who you love more than you love your sanity. God bless you.
Thank you for this Regina. That feeling you named, loving someone more than your own sanity, is so painfully real for so many of us. It messes with your head, your heart, your whole sense of what’s true. 💛
So much truth Debra. So much sadness too. We all deserved to be protected and believed. 🦋
I completely blocked out that part in my life. I haven’t revisited to fully unpack but I recognize that I have visited because of the questions that I ask myself or the doubts that seep from my memories sometimes.
“It turns your body into a battleground.” So many wounds remain and takes so long for them to become gentle reminders instead of sharp pain
love💜
What you say about trauma and the nervous system is so timely. I’m at a chiropractic neurology clinic for intensive 4 weeks of treatment to reset my nervous system (the eyes and vestibular system are the window into your nervous system). My symptoms have been chronic migraines + vertigo. My doctor also had me to go to hypnotherapy as well. The majority of patients he treats had trauma - he says if his patients don’t deal with their trauma, they won’t fully heal or if they do, their symptoms recur. Fascinating.
Such a difficult and important topic for so many of us! Even after leaving an emotionally abusive marriage, so much sticky residue remains.
Wow, Deborah, what a powerful piece. I can relate word for word. I've lived it. I've recovered from it. The experiences left me scarred but stronger.
What you said about our reality being attacked or chipped away, it's so dehumanizing. One thing I would add, and this is just an add, it's not any kind of a contradiction, but what I also came to learn is that these are very mutual, unhealthy relationships where we place ourselves in a commander-subordinate role with a compliance and control sort of structure and then just don't even notice how the vice starts to tighten because it starts usually really in a light-hearted way. Someone seems very helpful. They seem really together.
Anyway, I'm just reflecting off of what I read, but boy, am I glad to have come across this today. And I will say, the healthier we get, the more this becomes obvious on an intellectual level, but still, the body reacts, the emotions react. I've had people approach me in an unhealthy way, love-bombing, for example, trying to start up something, and my trauma instinct is activated and thinks, go, get in there, jump in.
But then the training kicks in, the awareness, all the inner child work and the shadow work that I've come to rely on when the trauma instincts get activated, and I'm able to better see what's going on and toss up a few boundaries. And when those get quickly violated, then I take a step back—or turn and run, depending on the person.
But anyway, wow, it's just so nice to see someone who's come to this awareness and can write about it and help the next person. That's what we're all about, I think.
Thank you so much.